The Great Shiz Dare-Off
by Jaeme
Summary: The rules are simple. No dare-backs. Two passes only. Last one standing wins. Are you shameless enough to survive? Ladies and gentlemen, we are at war!
1. Elphaba Defies Authority

**The Great Shiz Dare-Off**

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Wicked or its characters etcetera etcetera, you know the drill.

 **Summary:** The rules are simple. No dare-backs. Two passes only. Last one standing wins. Are you shameless enough to survive? Ladies and gentlemen, we are at war!

 **Dare 1 - Elphaba Defies Authority**

It was quiet in the library. The students present were few and far between, studying hard for their upcoming mid-term papers. Although none studied harder than the green girl tucked away by the third floor fireplace. As per usual she was surrounded by a mountain of books piled in order of relevance to her current area of study. On the right were the thick course textbooks and recommended readings, and to the left a variety of less relevant, some might say recreational, readings.

She had been studying in peace for almost the entire day, having only stopped for lunch, when the arrival of her blonde roommate

"Elphie!" called her blonde friend as she emerged from the staircase dragging her reluctant boyfriend behind her. As per usual, the blonde was the epitome of the latest fashion, her perfectly curled hair bobbing, tiny handbag swinging and heels clacking as she made her way towards her green friend.

Elphaba sighed and lowered her book momentarily. "We're in a library, Glin," she said, blatantly ignoring the man she had with her.

Galinda shot her an unamused look before setting herself down in the chair opposite Elphaba's text mountain, pulling her royal entourage down with her. She was just opening her mouth to explain why they were in the library when her companion spoke up first.

"Hi, _Elphie_ ," the accompanying boyfriend smirked.

"Fiyero." Elphaba glanced his way before returning to her book. "I'm surprised to see you here, I thought you were allergic to knowledge in all its forms?"

Fiyero shrugged. "I've taken the necessary drugs so I can be here. They'll wear off in a few minutes though."

The green girl raised an eyebrow at him before looking to Galinda for an explanation.

"Well," began the blonde, practically bouncing in anticipation. "Fiyero and I were just about to head off for an afternoon coffee and we were wondering if you wanted to come along."

Elphaba blinked at her, considering the offer for a moment before replying, "No thanks, I've got a lot of reading to do, as you can see."

"What are you reading?" the prince asked.

"Household Poisons and their Potency: A Guide to Domestic Murder," the green girl replied, barely batting an eye.

"Planning a homicide?"

"I'm considering it," she replied, glaring at him pointedly.

"So anyway, Elphie," Galinda piped up. "Why are you reading so much?"

Elphaba sighed. "I have to tutor this failing rich kid for Madame Morrible this afternoon."

"Can't you reschedule and come with us?" pleaded Galinda.

"Alas, I cannot," replied Elphaba with mock disappointment, but real bitterness. "Morrible practically ordered me to because this guy's parents are major sponsors of the university."

Galinda looked decidedly crestfallen while Fiyero looked incredulous. "Oh come on!" said Fiyero. "He can't be that important."

Elphaba shrugged. "She offered me extra credit on all of my subjects if I helped him."

"It's not like you need the marks," Fiyero said. "I think you're just scared to defy her authority."

"No I'm not!" Elphaba cried.

"I bet you couldn't say no to her if you tried," taunted Fiyero.

"How much are we betting?" Elphaba shot back, eyes shining with challenge.

Fiyero opened his mouth before closing it quickly, shaking his head. "No money," he said. "I _dare_ you."

Beside Fiyero, Galinda let out an ominous, "Ooooooh!"

Elphaba's eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips. "Alright," she said, finally. "You're on."

As if on queue Madame Morrible then decided to make an appearance, sweeping into the library and b-lining straight for Elphaba's favourite spot.

"Miss Elphaba," she said on arrival.

"I have no idea how she talks with her lips like that," Fiyero mused under his breath, heard only by the girls who fought to contain their snickers.

Unperturbed, Morrible continued, "Master Demetri has been waiting in D-block for your tutelage for the past twenty minutes, and yet here you are socialising."

"What!?" Horrified, Elphaba swung her gaze to the clock on the opposite wall. Her tutoring session was set for half past four, yet the clock on the wall said quarter to three.

It had been quarter to three for over two hours.

Elphaba let out a groan and let her head fall into her hands. How had she not noticed?

"Well?" Madame Morrible said through her permanently pursed lips. "I hope you have a good reason for putting your extra credit on the line."

Galinda and Fiyero turned their gazes to Elphaba and waited. There was nothing Elphaba loved more than extra credit, but her stubborn side was putting up a fierce fight.

The green girl's mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally found what she hoped to be the right words. "Demetri is a player and has the IQ of a goldfish, no amount of tutoring from me can change that. Unless of course you want me to write his essay for him?"

If Fiyero and Galinda were shocked, then saying that Morrible was flabbergasted would be an understatement. Elphaba on the other hand, while looking perfectly calm and defiant on the outside, was screaming on the inside.

Madame Morrible floundered for the right words for a number of minutes before spluttering out, "Well then, I suppose you won't mind me sending a letter to your father detailing your insubordination

Elphaba's eyes widened before she bolted from her chair after the Headshizstress, frantically apologising.

Back by the fireplace, Fiyero and Galinda were steadily coming out of their shocked stupor.

"I didn't think she'd actually do it," said Fiyero.

Galinda gave a nod of agreement. "And so spectacularly too."

The two looked at each other before promptly bursting out laughing.

"That was priceless!" Fiyero gasped out between chuckles.

When the two had adequately recovered they stood and began to make their way out of the building.

"I feel bad for Elphie though," said Galinda with a sad grimace.

"Hey, she's the one who accepted the dare." Fiyero shrugged.

"Would you have accepted the dare?" asked Galinda.

"Of course!" The prince declared. "I never back down from a dare."

"So, what are you going to do when she dares you back?" Galinda smirked.

Fiyero paled as the enormity of the situation dawned on him. "What have I done?"

 **I'm BAAAACK! And with something funny no less! My brain was positively melting with the seriousness of As The Crow Flies, I just needed a sillyness break. So here we are, with The Great Shiz Dare-Off! I was so excited to get this written down that I forewent my Saturday Mid-Morning Movie tradition to smash it out. You should be grateful!**

 **Each chapter is going to consist of the dare being given and then carried out by the daree, steadily getting bigger and crazier as time goes by. Feel free to submit your dares and we shall see how they play out!**

 **Next Chapter: In which Elphaba dares Galinda.**


	2. Blonde in Witch's Clothing

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews and follows!**

 **SkySorrow & AirHawk19: Oh, just you guys wait**

 **Dare 2 - Blonde in Witch's Clothing (or Not Quite as Planned)**

On Monday when Fiyero arrived his usual fifteen minutes late to Political Science, he was met with an unusual sight. Elphaba was not paying attention to Dr Dillamond. Her head was down, but she wasn't studying. She was sleeping.

Fiyero slid into the desk beside her nudging her awake with an elbow. With an incredibly unlady-like snort and snuff combo, Elphaba shot awake. She looked about herself, disorientated for a few seconds while she regained her bearings before letting out a yawn and stretching as well as one can in the cramped space of a lecture hall desk.

"We're only fifteen minutes in, you've beaten even my record for for least amount of time awake in a lecture." Fiyero said out the corner of his mouth, trying unsuccessfully to avoid Dr Dillamond's watchful eye.

"If you ever got here on time your record would be within the first five minutes." the green girl mumbled out as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

Fiyero shrugged and took out his books. "So why so sleepy?"

"Madame Morrible made me write that stupid, rich kid's essay for him," Elphaba groaned. "I had to stay up all night getting it done."

"She was that mad?"

Elphaba shot him a glare."It was either that or get a letter sent to my father and me pulled from my studies."

"Oz…" Fiyero shook his head, "That's a gross over-reaction if I've ever heard one."

Elphaba just grunted in agreement, resting her head on her hand, attempting to pay attention for the rest of the lecture.

By the time it was over, Elphaba had taken a grand total of one sentence of notes and fallen back asleep three times, each time being woken by Fiyero. As they left the hall, Fiyero was fist-pumping on the inside at the prospect of not being dared back by Elphaba; that she was too tired to care about revenge.

He was sorely mistaken.

"So about yesterday," Elphaba began.

"I wonder where Galinda is-"

"Don't change the subject," Elphaba snapped. Fiyero shrank under her glare.

"Galinda told me last night that I have the right to dare you back."

"Well, I'm not sure about that-" Fiyero laughed nervously, realising all over again that he had made a terrible mistake.

"What's the matter, Fiyero?" Elphaba taunted. "Scared of a little friendly fire?"

 _Yes_ , thought the Prince, but he'd never say that outloud. Instead he opted for the response least like to get him permanently humiliated, "Pfft, no. I can take anything you throw at me!"

"I could make you streak through the courtyard…" Elphaba smiled evilly as Fiyero paled visibly as he felt a deep sense of dread settle in the depths of his stomach, "... but I think I'll save that one for later."

"Bring it on!" Fiyero declared, starting to feel a little better, but no less apprehensive of his future fate.

Elphaba narrowed her eyes skeptically and was just about to issue her dare when an unassuming Galinda appeared at the door.

"So, Elphie," Galinda bounced down beside Fiyero with a smile, "Have you decided on your dare for Fifi yet?"

"Actually, Galinda," Elphaba turned, an idea slowly forming in her mind, "I have a dare for you."

"What?" Galinda's smile melted faster than ice-cream on a Summer's day. "But Fiyero gave you the dare!"

"Call it spreading the love," Elphaba shrugged, before adding with an unamused glare, "and bystanders are just as guilty."

While Galinda's face rapidly fell, Fiyero began to fist-pump in the inside again. The blonde quickly recovered however and was looking hesitant, if not slightly amused.

"Okay then. But I have the right to refuse if it's too much." She conceded.

"Fair enough." Elphaba nodded in agreement.

"But," Galinda continued, straightening in her seat, "if we're going to do this properly, with proper dare war rules, then we should each get two passes. If you pass or fail more than two dares, then you lose."

"Wait- Dare war?" Fiyero snapped back to reality, not liking where his moment of fun had started heading.

"And we should limit the dare-backs to keep it fair."

Galinda nodded. "No dare-backs."

"Wait a second," Fiyero interrupted, "There are actual rules for this?"

"Oh yes, of course!" Galinda stated matter-o-factly. "There is a section about it in almost every sleep over guide. The rules change depending on who you play with, but two passes and no dare-backs are the standard."

Fiyero found himself once again asking himself, "What have I done?"

"So, without further ado, Galinda, I dare you to dress like me for a day," declared Elphaba.

The blonde's eye gave an involuntary twitch before she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry?"

"You heard me," Elphaba couldn't stop the smile slowly spreading across her face as she watched her blonde roommate struggling with between fashion suicide, and her previous determination and stubbornness, before setting her jaw and taking a deep breath.

"I accept."

The next day, Elphaba loaned Galinda what she could of her own wardrobe, but due to the green girl being substantially taller than the blonde, they had had to acquire a navy skirt and blazer jacket with appropriate, if not mildly Galindafied, accessories.

Needless to say, Galinda was not happy to be deprived of her signature bright pinks and creams, yet she stood at the door of the dorm with determination.

"So," said the blonde, "How do I look?"

Elphaba looked her friend up and down. They hadn't been able to find her a pair of boots in time, so she was sporting a plain pair of brown flats. The blonde had braided her hair and was even wearing one of Elphaba's signature skivvies as well as the knit cap and glasses, but despite all efforts otherwise, the final result was not quite what the green girl had been hoping for.

Elphaba sighed. "You look like a normal version of me."

Galinda nodded distractedly as she fiddled with the book bag Elphaba had lent her for the occasion. "Do you wear this just off the shoulder or across the body?"

"Across."

Galinda crinkled her nose, "It's just that the strap isn't quite the right length to sit comfortably over my chest, you know?"

Elphaba could only purse her lips and raise her eyebrows in acknowledgement of her friends 'advantages'. Snapping back to reality, the green girl glanced at the time before grabbing her own bag. "Not much else we can do so we had better be off to class."

A few hours later, Elphaba stood on the edge of the quad lawn watching as Galinda was mobbed by her friends and admirers, each of them clamouring over each other to see if what they had heard of their goddess was true.

Girls whispered behind their hands and pointed, boys raised their eyebrows, and Pfannee and Shenshen nearly had heart attacks.

Fiyero had just finished class in a nearby building and upon hearing the commotion had ventured out onto the quad to see the results of Elphaba's dare for himself.

"What's everyone so worked up about?" Asked the prince as he approached Elphaba.

"Turns out Galinda could wear a burlap sack and still pull it off as the latest from the Emerald City," said Elphaba dryly, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Dare not going so well?"

Elphaba huffed in annoyance. "Unfortunately."

"She looks like a lawyer." said a bemused Fiyero.

Elphaba grimaced, "I know."

The two could only watch as Galinda's mob of groupies praised her change of wardrobe, saying how sophisticated she looked. The blonde could only wave a hand in modest dismissal and laugh about how she felt the need for a wardrobe change.

"Well," said Elphaba after a moment, "that backfired."

 **It's funny because the same chick who first played Galinda for Australia also played our first Elle Woods.**

 **I have a lecture at uni for Writing and Publishing Industry and the chairs are attached the the bench-desks in front of them and they creak so loud when you pull out the chair that I refuse to even enter the hall if the lecture has already started because it's so darn disruptive. Needless to say, I miss that lecture a lot...**

 **I have a handful of dares already lined up for the next bunch of chapters, with new characters getting involved and more hilarious shenanigans. So stay tuned for the next big dare!**

 **Next Chapter: In which Galinda dares Fiyero.**


	3. Easy Breezy

**So Galinda survived her dare mostly unscathed. Fiyero, on the other hand, will not be so lucky...**

 **Dare 3 - Easy Breezy**

Later that night, after a thorough shower and a wardrobe change, Galinda was back to her usual pink self, none the worse for having willingly dressed like her roommate for a day.

"That wasn't so bad."

"You don't say," Elphaba dead panned.

"It is not as though I enjoyed parading around the school wearing those drab colours-"

"I certainly didn't."

"-and all that extra attention," Galinda gasped, "I don't think I could live like that forever!"

"Now you know how I feel," Elphaba muttered, arms folded, sitting on the edge of her bed, "but your attention was of the positive variety."

"Oh, don't be like that Elphie!" said Galinda, hands on hips, "I can't help it if I'm popular and look good in everything."

Elphaba stared at her unblinking for a moment before she sighed, "So what are you going to dare Fiyero?"

"Oh," the blonde began to smile a smile far too evil for her beautiful face, "I have a few ideas…"

Elphaba felt her spirits lift a little. "Do tell?"

***Time Passes***

"Hello, Prince Low-IQ."

"Haha," Fiyero mock laughed as the green girl and his girlfriend (who are sadly not the same person) approached him outside their usual cafe. "We can't all be crazy straight A geniuses like you."

"Yes well, you almost succeeded at bringing me down to your level not so long ago."

"I'm going to order our drinks," Galinda said as she quickly kissed Fiyero on the cheek. "Long black, Elphie?" She asked with barely suppressed mischief.

"Regular, take-away, please," Elphaba replied with a devilish grin.

"I'll have a-" began Fiyero, but Galinda cut him off.

"Alright, be right back!" Said the blonde as she scampered off to the counter, leaving Fiyero mystified at her abrupt, and quite frankly rude, exit. He shook it off quickly though, dismissing it as the blonde being her usual, overly bubbly self.

"I can't believe you're still salty about that, Elphaba?" teased Fiyero.

"I'm always salty. Never sweet. I bathe in the tears of my victims," Elphaba deadpanned, making all who had heard her words shiver in mild disgust.

"Okay…" Fiyero clasped his hands together on the table top, and the two sat in awkward silence until Galinda return holding two take-away cups. She handed one to Elphaba, sending her an incredibly obvious wink that confused Fiyero to no end, before she turned and practically skipped over to her princely vict- I mean, boyfriend.

"Fiyero, dearest," Galinda began as she scooted into the place beside her man, smiling as sweetly as she possibly could. Fiyero was definitely nervous now. "I dare you to wear a dress -chosen by yours truly- and sing a song on the quad lawn at lunch time."

Fiyero looked at the two girls, one smiling innocently, the other overflowing with malice, and searched for the courage he, as a man, was supposed to possess. Remarkably, he found something. Whether it was idiocy or manliness remained to be seen.

"I'll go warm up my vocal chords," he said with a cocksure grin.

Galinda squealed and clapped in an immediate burst of pleasure, giving Fiyero another kiss on the cheek. She only sobered for a moment to tell him to shave, or at least trim, his leg hairs in the next hour or so while she got the dress ready, after which she herself skipped away to prepare.

"I look forward to visiting you in the mental ward!" Elphaba cackled as she grabbed her long black and ran off down the street after the blonde as fast as she could without spilling. "Sweet revenge!"

***More Time Passes***

Not so long later, Nessarose and Boq were out of class and taking a stroll in the fresh spring air. They had been engaging in meaningless small talk when Nessarose noticed something strange.

"Look Boq," said Nessarose, "Miss Galinda and my sister seem to be spying over by that building."

Boq glanced over at the two in surprise. They were crouched by the building, peering around the side like in some classic cartoon.

"Let's see what they are up too," Nessarose said. Boq agreed and the two made their way over to the girls.

"Hey Elphaba," called Boq as he approached, pushing Nessarose's wheelchair. "Hello Miss Galinda," he added with a sigh.

The two girls shushed him and waved him off distractedly, too focussed on the spectacle on the campus lawn.

"What's going on?" asked Nessarose.

"Shush!" exclaimed Galinda and Elphaba together, eyes never leaving whatever it was they were watching around the building.

Seeing them shaking with barely contained laughter, Boq pushed Nessa around the corner and barely had time to cover the crippled girl's eyes in an attempt to preserve her innocence as he took in what could possibly have been the most horrifying thing he had ever seen.

Fiyero, or someone he assumed to be Fiyero, was standing atop one of the picnic tables. He looked decidedly uncomfortable, and for good reason. The poor man had had his relatively broad frame stuffed into an ill-fitting bright pink, heavily sequined dress.

Shocked, Boq quickly wheeled Nessa back around the corner and safely out of view of the bedazzled Prince.

"I must say, Galinda," said Elphaba, "you have really set the bar with this one."

Galinda giggled mercilessly. "If only he had taken my advice about his leg hair," Galinda sighed with mock disappointment causing Elphaba to let out a cackle.

"What in Oz is going on?" exclaimed Nessarose, hand on heart in shock at the little she had seen, her munchkin entourage nodding his concurrence of the question.

The green girl and the blonde looked at each other and shrugged. "Oh, you know," said Elphaba, "just a little friendly competition."

Out on the lawn, atop the picnic table, Fiyero stood feeling extremely self conscious. He had run out from his dorm wearing the dress his loving girlfriend had delivered not ten minutes ago and had already attracted a sizable crowd of onlookers. The dress, being made for a woman, was incredibly tight around his waist and gaped over his chest. To make matters worse, the hem of the skirt barely reached past his knees and was probably giving those closest to him in the crowd of passers-by a view they would rather forget.

Looking around the courtyard his gaze was drawn to the edge of the opposite block where he could just make out four incredibly amused faces peering around the corner, two of which were his tormentors, the others he figured were Boq and Nessa. Shaking his head, "Just get it over with," the prince muttered to himself, tugging at the hem of the dress once more in a useless attempt to cover more of his legs before clearing his throat and opening his mouth, letting his voice carry over the heads of all who had stopped to stare.

" _Dancing through life, wearing a dress, feeling the breeze where I shouldn't._

 _Life is breezy, movement's easy, for all of you who like to wear a skirt."_

The gathered crowd muttered in confusion, his many admirers fearing that the prince had lost his mind, and, ever so faintly, he could hear the distinct giggles and cackles of Elphaba and Galinda.

It was in this moment between improvised verses that Fiyero distinctly heard the voice of his mother echoing to him from the past saying, "If you going to do something, do it to the best of your ability". Now, Fiyero had never once adhered to this advice before, but as he stood on the table and sung, he was struck by the sudden and inexplicable urge to prove his manliness and win the dare war. So, with a grace possessed by only the most senior of ballerinas, the prince leapt from the table and twirled across the lawn as he finished his song.

" _Dancing through life, flouncing and twirling, making sure I don't flash the passers-by!_

 _Wind is blowing, thighs are showing, when you're wearing a dress!"_

Just to top it all off, the prince swung around a nearby light pole and finished with the sassiest slut-drop Shiz had ever seen before he bolted across the lawn and into the safety of his dorm.

Behind the corner, Elphaba and Galinda had not stopped laughing, Boq had even joined in after a while, realising the ridiculousness of the situation. Only Nessarose remained stoic, sending up a prayer to the Unnamed God to save their souls and the soul of that wayward Winkie Prince.

"That was so worth the retribution!" Elphaba cackled, leaning against the wall for support.

 **So, I'm thinking of recording myself singing this particular parody of Dancing Through Life and perhaps just posting to tumblr or something. What do you think?**

 **Next Chapter: In which Fiyero dares Boq.**


	4. Thief in the Night

**I've just realised that this is my 10th story ever! Virtual cookies all around!**

 **Also, sorry for late update all, it is assignments every week at uni and I'm going camping over the weekend so it'll probs be just the one chapter this week, but next week we will be back to two! But hey, long chapter to make up for it!**

 **Dare 4 - Thief in the Night**

It had been three days since the cross-dressing incident and still no one had heard anything from, or seen anything of, the Winkie Prince. He had been holed up in his dorm away from the prying eyes that could not decide if what they had seen had actually happened. When he finally did appear however he was calm and right back to his usual charming self, working hard to pretend the 'incident' had never even happened.

As Fiyero swaggered his way down the corridors towards his next class he heard something no young man who has ever had the pleasure of attending Shiz University wants to hear; Madame Morrible calling his name.

"Mr Tiggular!" warbled Morrible as she stalked towards him down the hall, students parting before her like the red sea.

Fiyero swallowed hard before plastering on his most charming smile. "Yes, Madame Morrible?" he said suavely.

The old fish put her crow-like hands on her hips and tried her best to look menacing. She did not have to try particularly hard.

"Your behaviour a few days ago on the campus lawn caused several students mental harm!" she squawked.

Fiyero's hand flew to his breast in shock, "My fan girls!"

"Yes," Morrible sneered, "the poor dears could not bear the fact that their icon of masculinity could possible cross-dress, let alone so blatantly."

Fiyero shook his head and felt his heart drop. "Madame, this has all been a terrible misunderstanding. You see I-"

"I don't want to hear it, Tiggular," Morrible interrupted before leaning in close enough for Fiyero to see each and every one of her gaping, barely-disguised-by-a-thick-layer-of-make-up pores and whispering. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy your sick little experiment."

Morrible cackled as she walked off back to her office to plan her next diabolical scheme to humiliate yet another of her students.

"Wow, man, she really got you, ey?" said Boq, suddenly appearing right next to Fiyero's elbow, to which Fiyero gave a startlingly accurate impression of a gecko in the nearest wall.

Recovering quickly, the Prince brushed of his precious white pants and approached his munchkin pal. "Hey, Boq," he said, "I didn't see you there."

The munchkin frowned up at him before shrugging. "Okay."

The pair walked towards their Politics class for a few minutes before an idea dawned on Fiyero's brain like never before (which is not a joke about how he is supposed to be brainless. Gee, really gnawing at old bones aren't we?)

"Boq," Fiyero stopped and looked his munchkin pal square in the eye. "I dare you to steal Madame Morrible's garden gnome collection and set them up like students around the campus."

"What!?" The munchkin squeaked. "Why me?"

Fiyero put his hands on the little man's shoulders. "Because right now I can only ever dare Elphaba and the repetition of it all would probably start to get me down after a time, so you are now a part of the Dare War!"

"I'm not a part of this crazy mess you people have become so fond of!" Boq protested, squirming free and walking briskly away leaving Fiyero to come up with a new plan.

"It's only a _small_ task," said Fiyero as he jogged up next to Boq, "it should be easy." The Prince had resolved that he'd have to taunt the

Boq stopped, crossed his arms and gave an excellent impression of Elphaba's dry laugh, "Ha ha."

"Well, I don't mean to _belittle_ you or anything but you are chicken." Fiyero cocked out his elbows and flapped them like wings, clucking as he ran, bow-legged around Boq.

"These are very original," Boq deadpanned, "not like I haven't heard those before."

Fiyero stopped clucking (mainly because he was getting looks and he did not want a repeat of three days ago) and put on his best disappointed-mother face. "Does Boq-ey boo not want to play today? Does he want to run back to Nessa and never do anything fun ever again?"

"Urg!" the little man threw up his hands in resignation. "Fine!" he declared, "I'll do it."

Fiyero whooped and punched the air.

***Time Passes***

That night, Boq made his way through the darkened corridors of Shiz towards Madame Morrible's rooms, duffle bag over his shoulder. He knew the way well seeing as he went to see Nessarose there all the time.

Just as he reached for the handle the munchkin let out an involuntary squeak as Fiyero popped up behind him. "Yo," said the Prince casually, practically causing a heart attack in his slightly younger companion.

"What are you doing here?" Boq hissed.

"Just checking that the deed is done," replied Fiyero. "Plus I figured your baby munchkin arms wouldn't be big enough for all those gnomes to fit into, so I brought a bag."

"I already have a bag!" whisper yelled Boq in reply holding up his own bag as evidence.

"Oh," Fiyero replied dumbly nodding his head. "I'll just come along for the ride while I'm here then."

"Fine, just be quiet!"

The pair made their way into the rooms, creeping on all fours past Nessarose's bed and into the neighbouring room where Horrible Morrible resided after hours.

There, along the far wall by the window was a large cabinet, and inside the cabinet were dozens upon dozens of miniature ceramic men in funny hats. Morrible's Garden Gnomes Collection.

Boq gave Fiyero a look and they scuttled quickly across the room to the cabinet.

Boq gave the door a try but to no avail. "Locked," he muttered.

"Let me try," said Fiyero, and before Boq could protest the Prince had given the door a hard tug.

The flimsy lock rattled violently before it gave way with a crack that resounded perhaps a bit too loudly as Morrible stirred in her bed. the boys froze in terror, waiting for the Head Shizstress to wake and bust them, but it did not happen. After a moment the fish-lady settled again and the boys let out the breath they didn't know they had been holding.

Waiting a few more moments just to be sure they were safe, the boys opened a door each and started carefully lifting the gnomes off of their shelves and into the bags they carried, barely registering that each gnome had an individual plaque stating his name, job and star sign.

"How many of these things does she have?" whisper-exclaimed Boq as he lifted down a Mr Periwinkle from a particularly high shelf.

Fiyero never got to answer, because Mr Periwinkle decided that he did not wish to be kidnapped and slipped from Boq's Munchkin hands landing with a loud clatter in the bag amongst his brethren, somehow unharmed.

Morrible shot upright in her bed at the noise.

Boq and Fiyero froze in terror.

This, undoubtedly, would have been the end for the munchkin and the Winkie Prince, but fortunately for them Morrible liked to sleep with a mask over her eyes due to her room facing the eastern sun. The two boys, realising that the head Shizstress could not see, made a mad dash for the open window and launched themselves out, clutching the bags of gnomes to their chests to stifle the noise.

They landed mostly intact in the bushes at the bottom. One of the gnomes had clanked a bit to hard against another and lost a hand.

Not even bothering to check if Morrible had woken properly to notice she had been stolen from, let alone gotten up to investigate the noise outside, and sprinted across to their dorms only stopping for breath when they were safely inside and sure she had not seen them.

"Well, that's phase one down," said Fiyero, nodding with satisfaction and barely contained adrenaline giggles. "I look forward to the morning when I see the rest!"

The Prince passed his bag over to the munchkin and walked off to his dorm, leaving Boq by himself, with two very full bags of garden gnomes and the daunting task of placing them around the college like students.

The following morning, Fiyero was woken by the enraged scream of an obese elephant seal. Oh wait, it was Morrible. He dressed quickly and ran down the stairs onto the lawn where he saw what would undoubtedly go down in Shiz history as the 'Gnome Incident'.

Morrible was out in her fluffy purple nightgown with matching slippers and rollers in her hair, frantically tugging at a ceramic man in a little red cap standing in a huddle with a series of other little men of pottery.

As Fiyero wandered further he noticed there were gnomes sitting on benches to have a chat, gnomes walking in pairs down the path, and yet more gnomes laughing around the vending machines. Most remarkably, despite efforts otherwise, the gnomes had not, could not, be moved from where they stood.

Just as the Prince walked past a garden to see a group of gnomes playing frisbee, a hand shot out of a bush and pulled him through revealing a very tired and shaken Boq.

"This is brilliant!" exclaimed Fiyero gesturing wildly around the courtyard. "What- How did you-"

"They kept falling over so I super glued them down!" the munchkin hissed.

Fiyero did his very best to not burst into laughter seeing as Morrible was just within earshot. Not that she would have noticed as she was too busy distractedly retying her nightgown and ordering students to get to class as she pulled at the head of one of her beloved gnomes, pulling it clean off of the rest of his body.

Just then, a unknowing green girl was on her way to class.

"What happened here?" Elphaba muttered to herself as she walked past the bush Fiyero and Boq were hiding in.

"Elphaba!" whisper-called Fiyero from the bush. The green girl looked thoroughly confused at the voice that called to her from no-where. That is until Fiyero's hand reached out from the bush and yanked her in.

Elphaba looked at the pair and quickly made a deduction. "Was this a dare?" she asked, a grin slowly spreading across her face. Fiyero grinned back and nodded.

"You, sir," laughed Elphaba as she shook her head at Fiyero in disbelief, "have outdone yourself."

They three could only sit and try to stifle their laugh as Morrible tried fruitlessly to pry her gnomes from the concrete.

 **So much of my headcanon for how these characters interact calls back to my story The Social Experiment from 4 years ago. Even some of the jokes are still going! Like the gnome thing? That started back then! We are even going to see Avaric in two chapters or so and he will fit the old idea (with a few updates as well).**

 **The Garden Gnome incident is an actual thing that actually happened over a decade ago at my old school. A friend of mine's year 12 class used it as their end of year prank. They stole 74 gnomes -the number of students in their year- from yards all around the area and super glued them around the school in comical places. You can still see patches in the concrete where they were stuck to this day…**

 **Btw, thanks heaps for all your reviews! Keep it up, they make my heart smile!**

 **Next chapter: In which Boq dares Elphaba.**


	5. Dayum Gurl

**I'm officially 19! Late again, I'm SO sorry! I had to write a creative piece for the youth demographic and I just could not get the voice, let alone the topic, right. It was a ridiculous journey of drafting and redrafting which eventually ended with a story about stealing garden gnomes… I sense a theme in my writing...**

 **Dare 4 - Dayum Gurl**

Madame Morrible's rage had not subsided even a whole week after the 'Gnome Incident' and all the students were on edge, Boq especially. Every time Morrible so much as considered entering a room that Boq was in, the munchkin's survival instincts would blare and he'd make a break for the opposite door.

"You're just making yourself more suspicious, you know," said Fiyero, joining Boq at their usual cafe table after one such escapade where Boq had narrowly avoided Morrible by utilizing his height to hide under a series of desks and crawl out a nearby fire exit.

"Really?!" The munchkin squeaked, retreating into himself much in the fashion of a startled turtle.

"Relax, man!" Fiyero laughed. "I'm just as guilty as you and Morrible has barely looked my way all week."

"That's probably because she can't get the image of you in a dress out of her head," smirked Elphaba as she and Galinda sat down with the boys.

"Ha ha." Fiyero mock laughed, unamused.

The four laughed and settled in with their drinks, talking about their upcoming assessment and griping about boring lecturers. But soon enough, Galinda honed in on the real question weighing on everyone's minds.

"Have you thought about your dare, Biq?" Asked Galinda.

"It's Boq," the munchkin corrected, "and yes, I have."

Summoning the total of his munchkin courage, Boq opened his mouth to deliver his dare-

"You can't dare back!" Fiyero interrupted.

Boq closed his mouth and frowned. "I know. I've read the book," he said matter-o-factly.

"Oh." Fiyero blinked. "So there really is a book?"

"I need to get this book." Elphaba said thoughtfully. "How have I not read it yet?"

"I'll put it on your Lurinemas list."

"I have my own Lurinemas list?"

"Well, it's more a series of lists of possible gifts for you and my other loved ones that gets narrowed down to a short-list, and from that short-list, your gift will be chosen." Fiyero explained.

"I'm impressed," Elphaba nodded, "that's an efficient system."

"Dear Oz, praise from on high!" Fiyero mocked, his hand on his heart in shock to which Elphaba gave him a swift backhand to the stomach.

"Elphaba," interrupted the munchkin boy, his voice sending a chill of fear down Elphaba's spine.

"Yes?" Elphaba fought hard to keep the shiver of fear out of her voice.

"I dare you to hit on someone."

Galinda and Fiyero promptly burst into raucous bouts of laughter as Elphaba turned a involuntary shade of purple. Although to the green girl's credit, she did not protest.

"We should all go for a night out at the OzDust!" exclaimed Galinda, clapping her hands in excitement. "Then we can watch."

Boq and Fiyero laughed and agreed without hesitation, leaving a despondent Elphaba to drop her head onto the table and groan in despair.

The four agreed to meet at the girls' dorm at six o'clock and walk to the OzDust, soon to the remainder of their classes and to get ready for the night.

At six on the dot, Fiyero, accompanied by Boq, knocked on Elphaba and Galinda's dorm room door.

"Coming!" Came Galinda's call from inside. Not moments later she opened the door in a flurry of pink frills and blonde curls.

"Evening Galinda," Fiyero

As soon as Elphaba appeared at the door, Fiyero's jaw fell to the floor so hard it plunged through the earth and said hello to a chinaman. That is, it would have if China were a canonical feature of Oz.

"If I'm going to do this, I'm going all out," sighed Elphaba, not at all comfortable with staring. "In for a penny, in for a pound, as my father would say."

And she had indeed gone all out with her dare. Her hair had been curled and left out, with soft touches of make-up around her eyes to give her a somewhat mysterious and sultry air. She was wearing a little black cocktail dress that Galinda had managed to procure just for the occasion, but had somehow weaseled her way out of heels and just wore a pair of black roman sandals.

"I feel like a prostitute." Elphaba deadpanned.

"Oh nonsense!" Galinda exclaimed. "You look great!"

"She's right." Fiyero agreed. Elphaba glared him down in an effort to hide her reluctant blush.

"Shall we get going?" Boq piped up.

"Well, here goes nothing," Elphaba gave a rueful smile and headed out the dorm. Galinda and Boq ahead to organise the transport for the evening while Fiyero walked beside Elphaba, suddenly anxious over what the night might entail.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Fiyero.

"I can't back down now, can I?" said Elphaba, gesturing to her attire. "I'm decked out for the occasion."

Fiyero could not deny that. He gave a reluctant nod as they approached their destination.

"We'll go and find our seats for tonight's entertainment!" giggled Galinda, sweeping Boq up in her fervour making the little munchkin smirk with excitement at seeing his dare come to fruition.

"We're here early, so no one should be too drunk yet, but if you need help just signal me." Said Fiyero, glancing around at the people slowly trickling into the OzDust.

Elphaba quirked an eyebrow at the prince. "Look at you all protective all of a sudden," she said, "I can take care of myself, you know."

"Can you?"

Elphaba frowned, but shrugged him off and began to mentally prepare herself for the monumental task before her.

Elphaba strode into the OzDust Ballroom with all the confidence of a teen aged hooker - all face and no follow up. Boq, Fiyero and Galinda were already in position at a table in the back corner of the room, watching the green girl's actions eagerly over their cups of water; they wanted to stay sober for the action.

If Elphaba was uncomfortable, she was doing a remarkable job in disguising it. Carefully, she leaned against the bar and ordered a cider. With drink safely in hand, the green girl turned to scout out the room

"Hey, stranger," Elphaba smiled at the young man seated just down the bar from her. He glanced up and checked her out before smiling.

"Hey, yourself." the man said, standing and walking over to her, leaning close to talk over the music.

Elphaba was startled to say the least. How had he not recognised her as the least desirable piece of flesh on campus? Then she realised that the coloured lighting of the club disguised her green skin, instead making her look dark like a Quoxian, or a Winkie of the plains.

Over at the table, Galinda quirked an eyebrow, "He moves fast…"

"She doesn't look too happy about it…" Fiyero said, watching Elphaba's undisguised disgust.

Back at the bar, the man was only leaning closer, effectively blocking any chance of escape.

"So," he said, "Your's or mine?"

"Yep. No, I'm done." Elphaba cracked her knee straight up into the man's crotch and stalked away, leaving the poor man confused and in pain. The three onlookers laughed into their cups as Elphaba not-so-subtly flipped them off from across the floor, marching over to them ready to tear a munchkin to shreds.

 **That didn't turn out as funny as expected, and I'm not too happy with it overall… But the next one will be better!**

 **Don't forget! If you have something you want to see your favourite character do as a dare, send me a PM or include it in your review!.**

 **Next Chapter: In which Elphaba dares Fiyero.**


	6. Kill it

**Thank you all for being so supportive of this fic! It means a lot to me. I had been hoping to get this chapter done several days ago but I haven't had a day, let alone an hour, to myself since two weeks ago, Thursday. I'd give an account of my weekly schedule but I'm afraid it would be too tedious. I'll just have to say that I'm sorry again for the delay.**

 **And thanks for all your suggestions! As of this chapter, all of my original ideas for this story are used up, so some of your brilliant ideas may be making an appearance.**

 **I don't have a beta so please forgive me for any mistakes.**

 **I've just realised my pants are on backwards. I thought the crotch was sitting weird...**

 **Dare 6 - Kill it.**

All was well around the Shiz University campus. Student life had levelled out after midterms and everyone was taking a collective deep breath before the finals preparation began. Elephant and Fiyero were in such a situation as this, sitting at a bench and discussing their weekend plans. Galinda was supposed to be joining them but had been held up by a fashion emergency. Boa would have also joined them, but with the combination of both Morrible and Elphaba's suppressed fury, Boq had not been seen in public outside of compulsory classes for a number of days.

"Surely you can't still be angry at Boq for that dare?" Fiyero asked after their previous topic of Animal husbandry dwindled off.

"I'm not that mad actually," Elphaba admitted with a shrug. "I just enjoy the little guy's fear."

The pair were sharing a hearty laugh when a wild Avaric appeared.

"Word up, guys!" The part-time driver greeted.

"Oh, hey Avar-AAH!" Fiyero let out a startled cry at Avaric's latest fashion statement.

"Like it?" Avaric smirked proudly, stroking his top lip.

"Avaric," Elphaba began gravely, "I'm afraid a small feral animal has taken up refuge on your face."

"It's my moustache."

Elphaba looked at the collection of limp hairs gather atop Avaric's lip, gently curling at the ends. "If that's what you want to call it."

"I think it makes me look older," Avaric grinned. "The ladies like older men."

"You look like a paedophile," Elphaba deadpanned. Avaric looked at her in shock. Fiyero stifled a laugh and Elphaba shrugged at him, "You were thinking it!"

At Avaric's hurt expression, Fiyero moved to comfort his friend.

"Av, man," Fiyero placated, "it just needs a little work before it's the most majestic moustache Shiz has ever seen!"

"And it will be," Avaric declared, returning to his previous state of cheer. "I'll see you late, man."

"See you," Fiyero replied, waving him off.

As soon as Avaric was out of earshot, Elphaba whirled about to face Fiyero. "Kill it."

Fiyero froze in shock, "What?"

"Fiyero," Elphaba repeated, "kill it."

"Kill what?" Fiyero was thoroughly confused.

"That thing on Avaric's face!"

Fiyero's eyes widened in recognition. He smiled mischievously, spying an opportunity, "Make it official."

Elphaba ground her teeth and engaged in a mental struggle with herself. Did she let another chance to dare Fiyero pass her by for something as trivial as an offensive moustache?

The green girl took a deep breath and looked the prince directly in the eyes. "I dare you to shave him."

"Done."

Elphaba nodded before continuing on their original path to the next class. "So, how's your Politics essay going?"

"Well, actually…"

 ****Later that Night****

They had turned out the lights an hour ago and Avaric's snores filled the shared dorm room, it was in that dark hour that Fiyero chose to strike.

As quietly as he could, Fiyero rolled out of bed and sneaked into the bathroom, leaving the light off in the hopes he would not wake his roommate. Unfortunately, this also meant that he could not see, resulting in a wayward elbow knocking over one of the multiple deodorant cans piled onto the bathroom counter. The cans crashed into each other, the sound seemingly impossibly loud in the still of the night. Fiyero froze, half bent over in an effort to catch the already fallen cans.

Silence.

Amazingly, Avaric had not stirred.

Fiyero sent up a silent prayer to the Unnamed God and slowly let out the breath he had been holding. Carefully, he felt around the sink for his razor, only to eventually finding it on the floor where it had fallen with the deodorant cans.

Razor in hand, Fiyero tiptoed back into the main room and over to Avaric's bed. The Prince grinned evilly as he hovered over the sleeping form of his chauffeur. He was going to enjoy this.

Avaric snored as Fiyero slowly and carefully took the razor to the sleeping man's top lip. With no shaving cream, or even soap, the first stroke was more of a rake and took a tiny nick of skin with it. Fiyero winced and froze as a tiny bubble of blood rose from the cut. That had to sting, but Avaric remained blissfully asleep. The next stroke was cleaner, and after a few more Avaric was once again baby faced.

Fiyero leaned back to survey his work. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him, _why stop there?_ If he remembered correctly, Elphaba had not specified where he needed to shave Avaric, or how much to shave. She had just said "shave him".

Fiyero's grin could only grow as he set down the razor and produced a pair of scissors from his back pocket. This was going to be _interesting_.

"I'm surprised to see you up this early," Elphaba remarked when she spotted Fiyero the next morning. He was sitting out on the path, leaning back against the brick with his eyes shut. When he did not respond, Elphaba nudged him none too gently in the side. The prince started forward, confused and bleary eyed.

"Where you sleeping?" Elphaba asked.

Fiyero rubbed his eyes and rolled the cricks out of his shoulders and neck. "Yes," he replied, "I did."

"You look awful."

"I couldn't stop laughing so I slept in the hall so I wouldn't wake him." Fiyero explained as he struggled to stand, groaning as his body protested his every move.

Elphaba quirked an eyebrow. "I trust the dare went well then."

Despite how tired he was, Fiyero grinned and let out a chuckle. "Just you wait," he said.

The pair stood against the brick for a moment.

"Actually," Fiyero said abruptly, "do you mind if we fetch a coffee and come back. I need to warm up after being out here all night."

"Sounds like a plan."

When the pair eventually returned, they were just in time for an incredibly befuddled Avaric to come bursting out of the Briscoe Hall doors.

"Help!" he cried. "I've been attacked!"

Still just out of earshot, yet still able to perfectly see what had befallen the poor man, Elphaba's jaw dropped. Not only had Avarc's hideous moustache been shaved, but the majority of his hair had been hacked off and something had been crudely shaved into the back of his head.

Seeing Elphaba's, slack-jawed and speechless amazement, Fiyero smirked and shrugged in false modestly at his cleverness. "You only said to shave him," said the Prince.

"Is that a rocket ship shaved into his head?" Elphaba exclaimed, still barely able to grasp what she was seeing.

Fiyero smiled sheepishly, floundering for words, "I-It was meant to be a… Well, a-"

"Wow." Elphaba stopped him, able to guess what he was getting at from the implications. "That is incredibly mature." The green girl only managed to hold together her stern countenance for a second before she cracked and fell into peals of laughter, quickly joined by Fiyero.

Meanwhile, Avaric continued to shout bloody murder, attracting quite a crowd, who only added to his confusion by laughing at the poor man's predicament.

 **Australian night time is full of weird wonderful noises. Wallabies thumping about just outside your window, koalas grunting at each other (they sound like 50 year old lawnmowers), and worst of all, there's this bird called a Curlew that screeches like a dying woman. Just the other night, an owl landed on my window sill and it's called sounded like an insincere wizard laughing at a terrible Harry Potter pun.**

 **Also, a huntsman spider as big as my hand died on the bathroom floor.**

 **I love my country.**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! Don't forget to send in your ideas.**


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